making things happen

I’ve been thinking about this post for a few days. It’s difficult to articulate what has been going on inside me. The thought of not only writing it down, but posting it for the world to see is unbelievably terrifying. But as I learned this weekend, my business is myself. I’ve been trying to walk a line, differentiating my business from who I am. But now I realize my business IS me. And I have something to offer the world. A different perspective. A loving eye. A story behind why I feel it’s so important to savor and remember the moments that matter.

It is nearly impossible for me to describe how a one-day workshop could change my life. Give me confidence. Inspire me. Encourage me. Make me focus on exactly what I want in my life and what I’m doing to get there.  But it happened last Saturday in Atlanta.

When I walked into the room it didn’t look different from any other. It was a small conference room in a hotel. All the chairs were arranged in a circle and the girls scattered around the room didn’t look that different or special. They looked like me. I wasn’t sure why I was there. I’m not sure any of us knew why we had come. We just knew that we needed to be there. To hop on planes and fly across the country, leave our beloved children, turn our phones off for an entire day (more challenging than it sounds!), drive for hours when we were so sick we needed to be in bed… But still, we came and we BROUGHT IT. Eighteen creative women from across the country, joining together at Making Things Happen to change our lives.

When I told my mom I was wanted to pack up and head to Atlanta for the weekend, she said “Why do YOU need some cheerleader, ra-ra session? You have your act together.” Honestly, I didn’t know how to answer, and I had serious concerns that being surrounded by a bunch of infectiously positive, powerful, radiant women might make me bitter and angry somehow. Who were they to tell ME what I need in my life. They hadn’t been through what I had been through… Fortunately I quieted those thoughts in my head and just went. And boy, did I prove myself wrong.

Lara started the morning out by telling her story. She was real. Honest. Daring. She boldly, and without hesitation, told her story. How a teeny girl with flaming red hair had overcome tremendous obstacles to live the life she wanted to lead. (Here’s a secret- she’s worked her butt off!) To say I was impressed would be an understatement. Then came Natalie. Then Gina. All with incredibly moving stories. Listening to them I saw a part of myself. The happy, carefree, confident, fearlessly-skateboarding-down-a-mountain, rock-climbing, early-morning, workout-till-I-puke me I used to be.  When my turn came I couldn’t stop the floodgates. They made me realize that I have been hiding myself from everyone, as well as from myself. Icing everything over with happy, little, sugary, colorful sprinkles. Only giving just a couple people a small glimpse of the truth. I do not want to be known as the girl with the overflowing baggage, stamped with a big, red “HEAVY” label on me. But oh, how that baggage has weighed me down.  And so I shared. I gave myself. I spelled out my insecurities and fears. And they listened. And shared. And gave of themselves. We WORKED. We worked together, for one of the longest, most exhausting days of my life. During that time I realized that God had brought us together for a reason. To love, support, and encourage one another. To lift each other up- not only for a day, but for the rest of our lives. We were touched. We were scared. But we were there for each other.

All of these women touched me in some way. And after the workshop we’ve spent time looking at each other’s work and chatting non-stop. I am blown away. Absolutely BLOWN AWAY by how talented and unique and mind-blowingly gorgeous inside and out they all are. These women have achieved a level of success that before I had only dreamed of. Perhaps it was Lara’s openness, or the fact that I was surrounded by a group of similarly-aged, creative, single-owner business-women, but I feel like these women broke through to me. I allowed them to get closer to me than people I’ve known for years. They didn’t make me feel like I was a burden. They made me feel talented and loved. One moment in particular really got inside my head. Natalie, thank you for the Good Will Hunting moment. I needed that. I needed someone to touch me and stare into my eyes and recognize what I have been through and tell me that it’s okay and that I need to acknowledge it. To OWN IT. I lost my husband tragically- the father to my child- and you lost a child. Your own flesh and blood. And yet you carry on and are an inspiration to all those that you meet. I believe it was you that told me “God didn’t let you go through what you went through because He forgot about you. He loves you too much to just be dormant. Pain isn’t a sign that He’s forgotten you. He wants you to use those lessons to enrich the lives of others.” SPOT.ON.

When we finished for the day I came back to my room drained.  Chris was there to hug me and tell me funny stories. He knows me well enough to not ask me to speak until I was ready. What he did do was give me this….

Thank you, God for bringing this man into my life. He gets me!

What happened that day wasn’t witchcraft and no one single thing said was particularly groundbreaking. But all of it together WAS. I am no longer afraid. Afraid of what others think, or that they wonder how some little girl that used to be an engineer could possibly dream of living a life so completely different. The truth is, I’m finally living the life I’ve always wanted. I am bold and strong and I know I can make my dreams a reality. To do what I love and enrich others lives as I do so. I am following my dreams fearlessly.